- Anti Joke

Q: What do you call an orange if it isn't orange? A: Nothing. Chances are you won't see it until it has ripened.

You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients.

What's the difference between a bucket of shit and a black guy? -the bucket.

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

a dyslexic man walked into a bar, ordered a beer, and no one was aware of his affliction

Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature.

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

a horse walks into a blender ow

A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

whats funnier then a children's hospital..... it catching on fire.

why do you often see black man dating fat chick?? because they have the brains to realise that fat chicks are just people and need love too

If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5, you both have the same amount of money

All the planets are named after gods Ours is named after dirt....

What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

A group of 3 black male friends sit down to have lunch at the basketball court. One black man reaches in his pack and pulls out a watermelon. The second black man reaches in his basket and pulls out some fried chicken and a pan of cornbread. They both look expectantly towards their friend as he opens up his pack. Right as he opens it, however, his cell phone goes off. Upon completing the call, he hangs up and looks at his two friends. "My financial aid got approved, guys!" he exclaims. Both of his friends congratulate him on finally making it to college. They are so proud.

A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots. The bartender says "Rough day, eh?" The man says "Yes, very rough." He then goes home and hangs himself.

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

What's funnier then 24... The Holocost

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The Pterodactyl species became extinct 65 million years ago, and thus if you saw one today, you would be immediately taken into a mental hospital.

One day i had to piss. I went to the bathroom.

whats the difference between a can and a fish?they can both swim. exept for the can.

Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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