- Anti Joke

Two men walk into a bar. You would have thought one of them would have seen it.

What's 5+7? Piccillo

Q: What genre is the bible? A: Si-fi

Stones cannot fly. Humans cannot fly either. Therefore.. I wish I didn't get AIDS...

A bartender walks into a bar. It's his shift.

What kind of cat has no tail? Manx cat

A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a green man.

Humpty Dumpty didn't fall I pushed him

How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning You poke her face

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

There is a black man and a Mexican in a car. Who's driving? The driver.

what do you call a man with cheese on his face? cheese face

There were three men walking across the road and it started to rain

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Whats black and is on sale in shops? Blackberries.

Once there was a rich man who lived in a castle on a hill. One fine morning who awoke and decided to go downstairs to make a cup of tea. As he switched on the kettle, he realised he had no tea bags, and so, went to the local shops to buy some – but when he arrived back, his magnificent castle had been burnt down to the ground. The man, obviously shocked, looked around in hope for some evidence as to who would commit this awful crime, but he saw nothing, apart from a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance and they give him a mansion. One morning in the man’s fine mansion, he decided he wanted a nice cup of tea, so went downstairs, discovered he had no teabags, went to the shop to purchase some and came back to find his mansion was no more than a pile of ash. Once again he looked around and saw nothing other than a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance for a second time and they give him a normal house. One morning in the man’s normal house, he feels the need for a cup of tea. But has no teabags, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to find his normal house has burnt down. In the distance a little green man is running away. Insurance give the man a small cottage. And one morning in this small cottage, the man goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, but once again he has no teabags. Off to the shops he went to buy some but discovered, as he approached his cottage on the way home, that it had been burnt down. He looked around to see the now familiar sight of a little green man running off into the distance. Insurance give him a caravan. One morning in the caravan, the man discovers, while attempting to make a cup of tea, that he has no teabags. So, naively, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to his caravan to find it burnt down. He looked up and saw a little green man running off into the distance. The now annoyed insurance company give the man a tent. One sunny morning in the man’s tent - he feels the need for tea, but has no teabags; he goes to the shop to buy some and arrives back at his tent to find a little green man holding a can of gasoline and some matches. The man asks: “are you the one who has been burning down all my houses?” And the little green man replies: “No.”

why did the bear fall out of the tree? the bear got shot

What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

Pacient: Doctor Doctor i think im becoming a vegetable... because of my heriditory bone marrow mutation

Roses are red, violets are blue Charcoal is black, and so is my neighbor

How do you make Al Gore cry? Kill his daughter.

How did a baby get across the street? Stapled to a chicken.

why hppened when the little boy failed his math test? He cut off his penis, shaved his head and hung himself

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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