There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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Roses are red violets are blue. I have amnesia so say hello to your nan when you get home

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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Q: What's bigger than a volcano? A: Earth

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Why are black people afraid of white people? They aren't

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How do you make pie without the oven? I dont kow, go google it.

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A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

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Q: why do shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews only have 10 fingers

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roses are red violets are blue kyle brown and pj nosaki have big balls

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Who has lots of friends, but smells like urinate feceas? Smelly McD, I lied about the friends.

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Knock knock. Use the doorbell, dumbass.

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What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

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How do you get someone off a swing? ask them politely.

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Deja moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i am in sex mode, why the F**k are you!!

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I kinda said I did not want to know, sooo... Want to meet up tomorrow? Like for realsies? In that case tell me first (then show me tomorrow as proof), your cough... Vagina, I dont care if its shaven or not, but does it have red hair?

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Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

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TOFFEES HEAD LYING IN THE GRASS

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A moose walks into a corner store and asks the lady where the Mashed potatoes are. The lady working behind the corner says "Down Aisle five..." The moose goes down aisle five and there are no Mashed Potatoes. -Tyler the Creator

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Living in Africa.

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what does the muslim guy say in a very busy metro station? jaallalalalalalalalla BAM

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Why'd the blonde jump out the window? To kill herself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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