When life gives you carrots, don't make carrot juice, because it's gross.

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My friend Edward found a worm in his apple. Edward happened to be a lemur. Lemurs eat both plants and worms, so he ate them both.

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Moralman... Seriously man, take it easy, my name is Nero, yes I play dual identities sometimes, it is only in order to convey my hidden messages to my people. I am deeply sorry to admit that those that assaulted you where indeed from my order, they have been prosecuted by the law and excluded from our order.

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Why did the man walk into a bar? Well hell I don't know I thought you might.

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Why didn't the blonde get into college? She was killed in a car accident.

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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Do you know why the kid jumped down the 50 foot hole? I dont know, jump in and ask him.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a prison. A gang stopped them, and said: Hey, want to play a game? Before they could run away, the gang leader told them the rules. You go over there and stand by the wall. You close your eyes, and then we fire a shotgun in your direction. The last one alive wins. They push the brunette onto the wall. She closes her eyes because she knows she's about to die and doesn't want her friends to see her crying. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. They decide it's the redhead's turn next. They move her onto the wall. Being the brightest one in the bunch, she tries to keep her eyes open. However, she blinks. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. Then the blonde bursts out laughing. "Your friends are dead. And you're about to die. Do you find that funny?" They ask. She answers. "No. It's just- I won the game!"

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A Horse walks into a Bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Horse had cancer.

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Why didn't Jane buy an ice-cream? Because she was lactose intolerant.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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You're so ugly, when yo' mama dropped you off at school, she kissed your forehead and called you beautiful.

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vitamin c

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whats older than your mom? a tortoise that has been living more than a couple hundred years

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Whats worse than black people : a grimy old woman lickin your toes

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How do you tell if an albino baby is black? Check his genetics.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he wasn't invited.

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McDonald. It's run by Lawers

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Your mother is so nice, I saw her while grocery shopping and we pleasantly chatted. She also remembered my name and invited me to come over sometime and have a snack.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly my dick down your throat.

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Why did the most interesting man in the world refuse to eat his buttered toast? It just so happens that the cook accidentally used stale bread, causing it to taste unsatisfactory.

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What did the black man get his mom for Mother's Day? Some jewelry and a very nice card.

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Miami Heat.

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Nuclear Bombs are bad. But erections are good.......as long as they are stroked

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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