What happens when you throw a red rock in a green pond? It sinks.

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting thrown into the sun.

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Q: How did the blonde commit suicide? A: She shot herself in the head.

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An Irish man walks into a bar. He then sits down and enjoys his favorite drink.

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Why did the man fall down the steps? I shot him in the face.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Two black guys walk into a bar. Bartender asks them what they want to drink.

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What's the difference between a baby and cheese? I don't like cheese in my sandwiches.

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Why did a lady get in a car crash? Because woman don't drive, they stay in the kitchen!

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How many Anne Franks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, cause she's dead.

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Why couldn't Ray Charles read? He was blind.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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what do you call someone who kills jews? a life saver

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A blonde has a headache, so she goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes some Advil, she takes it, and then feels significantly better.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, the holocaust didn't actually happen, besides I hate jews

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I have a riddle. What's black and white and red all over? Nothing. That's impossible.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do.

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If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Regression.

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As a teen girl was walking through the perfume shop, she picked up one called, "Swirly Paradise." She sprayed it on her and sniffed the sweet scent. Suddenly, the world spun around and she suddenly woke up inside an empty bra. A mouse sniffed her and ate her alive.

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Why was the lemon wearing a blue shirt? Because its red shirt was dirty.

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Tourettes Kid. Touret- FUCK SHIT!

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What do you call someone that has befriended a fisherman? Fishermans friend Moral: Strongest there is.

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A man walked into the bar and ordered a drink, drank it then stood up and left remembering that he once had a drinking problem and had overcome it.

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What's the difference between vanilla ice cream and vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips? Neither one has vanilla ice cream in it except for both of them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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