I wouldn't touch ellen degeneres with a 10 foot lance. However, i would shake her hand with my hand. Lesson: 10 foot lances are no way to touch ppl.

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three friends are chilling one day and they all think they belong in Guinness book of world records the first guys says i believe i have the smallest arms in the world, the second guy says i believe i have the smallest nose in the world and the third guy says i hate to admit it but i believe i have the smallest dick in the world. So they all go down to Guinness book of world records inc. and the first guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST ARMS IN THE WORLD" the second guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST NOSE IN THE WORLD" the third guy comes out all depressed and mad and says "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER"

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A man walks through a doorway but there was a door there so he got injured

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How do you count all the jews in a village? The United States Census Bureau usually has reliable data so I would start there

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Dont listen to your heart all it dose is BEAT BEAT BEAT

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How do you stop a canadian from saying eh? Kill it...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? I was asking you...

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Why did little Sally fall off the swing? Because Sally has no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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A Muslim and 2 French people walked into a bar They start to have a nice conversation about Charlie Hebdo

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You know what's funnier than 24? 25.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John, your son. Now open the door.

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How did the corpse cross the road? They can't cross the road they're dead.

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Roses Are Red Lemons are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour

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Yes, finally caught that mouse!

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Two buissness men had a meeting at 12:00 they had there meeting at 12:00 and left back to there normal life.

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Skrillex.

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why was the girl unhappy? because she was stapled to a shark.

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What happened to the child who's mother drank and took drugs while she was pregnant? Dead.

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Dad they tell me I am homosexual at school, what does it mean? Ask your boyfriend.

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A man walks into a bar He is STD positive.

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Roses are brown, Violets are brown, Who shit in my garden?

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Whats more funny than 1 bomb on 8 babies? 8 bombs on 1 baby.

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Listen, I do not really care anymore, I admit it, I dont mind screwing with people, but if your name is Tifa, my name is lets see... Solid Snake, yeah, but call me big boss. Listen, be honest with me, if you do not trust me, just do not give me a random name, Tifa as in Tifa Lockheart? Final Fantasy? Wake up, girl/guy, you are losing your touch at this.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A treadmill... did I mention he was kinda fat?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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