Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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Roses are red I got a new phone But no one to text Forever alone

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin inside a blender.

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Yo mama's so fat that she took a look at her life and realized she wanted a change so she joined a dieting group and started eating better and exercising more and she got down to her goal weight and now looks and feels better than ever it's very inspirational, good for her.

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How can you tell if someone is a virgin? Everyone is a virgin in something. For example, if you never had sex with a dinosaur, then you are a virgin at dinosaur sex.

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Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

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What is the difference between a pig and a crow? One is a animal that Is butchered to be eaten as a wonderful meat product. And the other is a pretentious asshole bird that no one likes.

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

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What did the preist say to the other preist? 'hey! we're both preists!'

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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

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A little boy starts to be followed by a man in a large white van. They come across an intersection, the boy turns left, and the man turns right.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone dropped a refrigerator on her. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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How did the boy fly? he had wings.

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Q: whats big gray and cant swim A: a castle

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knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

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can't you hear that TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT, TOOT Ta TOOT TOOT flute (nicki minaj in a past life listening to a symphony)

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"hey do you know the date" "58"

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. so why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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Dear Anti Jokes> A black guy walks into a bar...He says hey u Idiot Gimme that Root Beer.. Tony Fast says IDIOT U GET OUTA HERE RIGHT NOW!Black women gets a gun and shoots his son... Tony Fast says im callin the cops on u then they kill alll. And they got hit by a bus. By TobyTurner

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i like turtles

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>posts joke >mistaken for anti-joke

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was blind and deaf, which would e very unsafe to do.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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