lol

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

thumb_up thumb_down

YOUR MOMMA IS SO FAT WHEN SHE JUMPED FOR JOY........she didn't get stuck because there's nothing to get stuck in.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

What's the difference between an apple and a baby. An apple is a fruit. A baby is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the mime say to the girl? .......

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A blind man, a black man and a rabbi walk into a bar. The blind man trips violently.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do lions and potatoes have in common? They each drive a sports car, wait neither the lion nor the potato drive a sports car. Sorry to waste your time with this joke that seemed to not really have a meaning or a clever punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

An american family is picknicking on the bottom of the ocean. They are eating french fries, big mac's, chicken mc nuggets and drinking coca cola, some slurpies too, all purchased at the local mac donalds near lyndon blvd, in chevy chase near that weird house with the toothless lady that always smiles and then all of a sudden frowns at you, often wearing either a dark green or mint green dress. Spongebob squarepants comes drifting by dead in circular pants and little Sally, their youngest daughter asks a question, which cannot be heard because they're underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are blue Violets are green I have issues, What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you throw at a mexican man when he is drowning? his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do call a large massacre of 1000000 people? a tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down

Fenestrade De Riguerto sat aloft his might horse Bentereuse and called for his brigadiers. At home his wife was opening a package. 2 minutes later a sound could be heard reverberating across the countryside. It was the invasion fleet from Denarus V wiping out humanity

thumb_up thumb_down +4

In Soviet Russia... People Die for Voicing their Opinions

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the worm a fisherman used to catch fish called when the worm killed a trout? Master Bate.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the Jew so happy? He had a good day

thumb_up thumb_down -23

2 Priests and a Monk walk into a bar, All 3 were stabbed to death in a bar fight.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A women walks out of a kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the homeless kid get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did one dog say to the other dog? Bark.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

identical jokes get different votes.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops