Your mama's so skinny; she can fit into most swimsuits sizes 4-6 and has a rather petite bottom.

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What did Harry Potters owl say to Harry Potter? delivowe for hawwy potter!

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im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

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One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."

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Have you tried african food? No. Neither have they!

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Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

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What do 9 out of 10 people like? Gang rape.

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What did Frieza say to Vegeta after killing his parents? "I killed your parents."

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Who has lots of friends, but smells like urinate feceas? Smelly McD, I lied about the friends.

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Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

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What is green, walks on four legs, and is capable of the strongest bite in the world? An alligator.

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Where did the eight year old go during the Boston bombing? Everywhere.

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whats the difference between a white jew and a black jew the black jew is treated poorly and is sent to the back of the gas chamber

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Mexican? I dont care if you are Mexican or not really, it makes no difference to me, I know you, I seen you before. But seriously, I consider you a good friend and all, and it seems we both get along, but you know after stuff happens, are we still friends then or is this all just a mating game thing for you? You can be honest with me, I am a realist, and I kinda like the idea of,the day after tomorrow, wont deny that. Its just that I dont want to lose a good friend in the process, and if this is just you trying to score, then well, I guess its still nice knowing this side of you.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

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What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

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A boy walks into a baker, asks for a loaf of bread. The baker enquires "White or brown?" to which the boy replies "It doesn't matter, I've got my bike."

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Q: What's your dog's name ? A: Dog. Q: What's your cat's name ? A: Cat. Q: What's your dick's name A: Pinky

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What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

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Arrow in the Knee!

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Why cant madeleine mccann play ps3? ive only got an xbox

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How did my grand parents go about surviving the holocaust? Well, for starters, they weren't Jewish, they never lived in Germany, and to be honest, my grandparents probably would have supported the Nazi's because they are right wing pricks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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