Come over here boy and have a cigar, you're gonna go far. Congratulations on being the first human cannonball, please use the cigar to light the fuse. Happy landings.

What do Australians and New Zealanders have against pods anyway?

What do you get when you cross something with another thing that one would normally not cross with the aforementioned noun? A better love story than Twilight.

How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

Whats bigger than 'burger king'? A. burger

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

What did Helen Keller name her children? Nothing, since she didn't have any.

I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

Why is an Orange, Orange??? Because its not blue!

What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

Knock knock! who's there? Excuse me sir can I have a moment to talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

You tell me. I have amnesia.

What's faster a hungry black guy or a car? A car

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, and they don't have to be blonde, anyone can screw in a light bulb.

What do you call a fat man who can turn slim? I don't know

Q.What's worse than running over a dog on the road? A.9/11

A man used a ruler to measure his foot, it was size 11

why did the bear fall out of the tree? He died. Why did the raccoon fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the bear.

Maturity is a virtue.

A blond, a brunnet and a read head all fall off a cliif, wich one did not die They all died you idiots

Today I decided to burn alot of calories. So I found a fat kid and lit him on fire.

Your mama's so stupid that i wouldn't be surprised if you were to tell me that she didn't graduate high school.

Pavel Novak

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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