How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that if she sat on me, she would crush my skull and kill me.

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What is 1 inch long and eats everyone in it's way .... my pet fish

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Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

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Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

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A man walks into a bar, and he died.

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A: Doctor doctor help me! B: Sorry, I'm not actually a doctor, stop calling me that!

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what do you call a half dead black person crawling across your lawn..............................stop laughing and reload

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Why is god mean? Cause he doesn't like you.

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what did the purple horse say to the goat? horses don't talk....

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Q. What's worse than 9/11? A. That one shark jumping episode of Happy Days.

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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What do you get when you cross 3 men and a chainsaw? Answer: 2 and a half men

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Lol! The connection timed out. Double D`s they kill my back so I am gonna get them reduced someday, and sure because it gets really itchy otherwise.

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(PC) Why aren't regular jokes as good as anti-jokes? Because they are worse than anti-jokes.

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who is not good looking? mon morello

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A blind man walks into a bar. But he wasn't hurt badly and continued on his way.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Bob goes to the store and buys some food.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? Because she had no arms. Knock, Knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America. You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.

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What did the dog say to his owner? Nothing, dogs do not have mouths that are shaped for forming words. Talking would require too many complex movements of the mouth, and since a dog's brain is very small, it would not have the capacity to hold that much information.

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What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar? "Hi, may I buy you a drink?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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