What's red, loose, and easy to wear? A rock. I lie about everything.

If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

Roses are red violents are blue I have 5 figures and the middle one is for you

A Horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'What with the long face?' and the horse replys 'i'm a f*cking horse.'

Whats worse then this joke? Its punchline.

What do a spoon and a platypus have in common? Nothing.

A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

What do you call a black man speeding away in a Ferrari. A wealthy man who is late for work.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a nest of worms in your apple.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm colorblind.

Whats big, ugly, and sucks? Death.

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

Your mom is so stupoid she put a piece of paper on the TV and called it paper view!

I can't wait to eat this bagel! Yes you can. Yeah, I guess you're right.

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

don't do anything i wouldn't do first

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first moneky.. Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.. Why did the 4th monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure..

9

Q.If your have $6.00 and I have a hair cut, how many donkeys are in the paddock? A. Aliens with a hat????????????

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Freedom of Speech

What's worse than finding a fly in your soup? Being raped... What's worse than being raped? The Holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two flies in your soup

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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