A: Knock Knock (pause) B: Please use the doorbell, it is very late and I like to be considerate of my neighbors

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A Black man and a Hispanic man were sitting in the back seat of a car. Who was driving? Their Asian friend who offered to take them to get lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

PLEASE HELP IM TRAPPED IN SOME GUYS HOUSE PLEASE SOMEBODY HAS TO SEE THIS IF I TEXT HE WILL SEE IT IM AT

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Your momma's so fat that when she looked in the mirror she broke down crying and threw up in the toilet because she is belemic.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at it's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the white guy feel awkward at the black people convention? He didn't know anyone there

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Who are doctors and literally are porn stars

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's black, blue, and read all over? The newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,039

Why was the woman out of the kitchen? She was at her mothers funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How do you make a clown cry? Kill his wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, your mother and I once had those problems but we got through it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Just kidding, it got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why are anti jokes funny? You can trick an old person to think they are

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

As a kid I was always told that school would get me good places. As an adult, I have found that there is another thing that gets you into a good place. Shrooms.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

There was once a man who went to the store and walked across a bridge and bought toothpaste and yelled at a hobo and went home and took a nap and then he went back to the park where he talked to an english teacher who told him not to use run-on sentences or she would slap him with a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why are leprechauns so happy? The grass tickles their balls

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She didn't own a car.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the apple say to the Banana? ....Nothing... fruit don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops