Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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What's the difference between your wife and the kitchen? One is a living organism

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What's worse than eating cows. Death

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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Kah-________-

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why did the platypus fall out of a tree it couldnt even climb up the tree

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gestapo.

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Your momma so fat when she went to the beach she was to self concious and left her shirt on.

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What has two legs and is covered in red. Half a dog.

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I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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Why did the cat cross the street? It didn't. I cut off its arms and legs so it couldn't walk.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Me.

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This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

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A man walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out because it is a bar for cats only.

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how do you wake up lady gaga poke her face

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Whats easier to fit in a trunk, babies or concrete bricks? Babies because you can hit them with a pitchfork.

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Ha

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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What walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck? Nothing. Ducks cannot speak, therefore this description negates all known living organisms.

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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Two elephants walk off of cliff.... BOOM BOOM!

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What's the difference between a plum and an elephant? They're both purple except for the elephant.

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Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1, idiot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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