A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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An asian man walks into a bar He buys a drink.

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What has hands but can't clap? - A Quadraplegic

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What did Jimmy say when the bully poured milk on his head? Nothing, instead he took out a shank and proceeded to stab him 30 times and let him bleed to death for being a douche.

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A gay man walks down a street before being stabbed to death by a homophobe.

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What's big white and can't fly? -Half of America Whats big brown and can't fly? -Crap

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Mommy, Mommy, I don't like Daddy! Well leave him on the side of the plate and eat your peas instead!

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jews

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Orange ya glad i didn't say banana

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your momma eats so much ice cream, you often find yourself without anything sweet to eat late at night when you're hungry

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women's rights

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Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

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Your Momma is sooooo poor, she struggles day by day to feed you and your 8 siblings while keeping a roof over your head.

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sally was hit by a bus and lost both arms knock knock who's there? not sally

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and act like it's original because I changed one word*

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Whats the funniest part about 911? Over 1,000 People Died

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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9/11

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Niggas be like you ugly and you playing hard to get, yo ass already hard to want!

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Hurricane Katrina

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What do you call a bug stepped on 47 times, then burned to a crisp? Dead

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HOLY SHIT BITCH!!!

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what food wouldn't you take on holiday with you? any its all inclusive

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops