Why is a cat in the desert like Christmas? Because Egypt is a country of deserts, the Egyptians had cats and Jesus, Mary and Joseph escaped to Egypt in the Christmas story before Herod carried out his massacre in Bethlehem on baby boys of under two years old.

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What do you get when you cross a moose with a crépe? A moose with a crépe up his nose. -ilikecrepes97

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What is black and white and sleeps a lot? A tired zebra.

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Don't make jokes about the Holocaust. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off a watchtower.

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Knock knock *open*

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What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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How do you stop a bus? Press the brakes

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Whats the difference between a cow and another cow Help my dogs eating me

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What is more tragic than a nice day wasted? Obesity.

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A black man walks out of a store. He was carrying a receipt.

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What did the electron do after losing his proton? Trough electromagnetical forces, the electron simply left it's atom, making it become a positive ion. Then, atracted by other atom's magnetical force, it joins the other atom's last vallence shell, creating a negative ion, since there are more electrons then protons in the atom in issue.

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GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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To girl in a bar: Grab your coat love... It's cold in my basement.

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Dude? What. Dude? What! Wheres my car?

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Try this on some random person on the street... You: "Excuse me sir, do you know how to get to Farnsworth Street?" Man: "Sorry, no" You: "OK, you go straight ahead, then turn left on the second street. Continue about 200 feet, then......"

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An orange walks into a bar....orange you glad I didn't say banana?!?!

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What's the best Anti-Joke ever? I don't know, but it's NOT this one.

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a duck walks onto a basketball court during a game. The referee sees the bird and blows his whistle crying fowl just as the player was running up to dunk. The confused bird flies away and the referee gets punched by the angry player.

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Throw your crépe right into an ocean Where an octopus can get it in all the commotion With the crépe and the ocean and the oc-to-pus

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knock knock who's there? your mom your mom who? I'm sorry to tell your mom is dead :.(

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I love you, you love me. Barney is fat and not entertaining.

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they were both killed in a building collapse.

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whats red with blue spots and is highly inteligent? an apple. i lied to you and am sorry

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how do you kill a bird? tie it to a tree throw a wasp nest at it and run the tree over with a semi filled with manure

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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