What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not answer because he is a horse, and neither speaks nor understands the english language. He looks around, and is confused by his surrondings. He gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What do you call a man with no penis? WOahMan! O_o

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Why are white people white? Cuz they were Born This Way Why are black people black? Cuz they were Born This Way Why are Mexicans so tan? Cuz they were in the sun too long at birth

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Where did the Smith family spend their weekend together? At the father's funeral.

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what is big, white, and can't climb a tree? a fridge

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Why did the two blondes decide to ride in one car? Because it's more environmentally friendly than taking two cars.

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I baked tonight. What did you bake? Brownies. What kind of brownies? Chocolate.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, it is unclear what the chicken's motivation to cross the road was.

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What did Super man say when the bullets didn't hurt him? That didn't hurt.

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Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber get married.... Friends and family attend the wedding

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A Woman decides she wants to stop making sanwiches for her sexist boyfriend. She walks away and lives a happy life. In hell.

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What's the main reason for divorce? Marriage.

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A black man comes home from work.

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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antijokes

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You can eat a pie. You can eat a chicken. But you cannot eat a human being because that would be called cannibalism and cannibalism is a felony that can give the government a right to hold you in an international detainment facility for up to 40 years.

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Did you hear about the guy who lost his arm and leg in a car crash? Well, he just died in hospital. RIP.

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear chequered trousers? Because that's how the creator originally drew him.

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Dylan F fell off a bridge Landed in some water and was ok 2 days later he got bit by a shark He is now in a coma

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Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

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What's worse than seeing your grandfather dead on the floor? Seeing your grandmother standing over him with a knife

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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