You.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the elephant paint his toenails orange? Because he wanted to hide in the pumpkin patch

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a Mexican that is jumping off a building? A suicidal jumper!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you kill a domb blond? Shoot her in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You played so good! No, I played well. Okay??

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Is your refrigerator running. Yes. Good, then I don't need to call an electrician.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the cheerleader get for christmas? Money, because she's a stupid w hore

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Timmy fall off his swing? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -14

So, as everyone knows, two different species (flavors) of cheerios cannot mate, right (common knowledge)? That is, if one is honey-nut and another is blueberry, they cannot mate. Anyway, there is this one normal cheerio that is in love with a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, he cannot mate with her. He can't even communicate with her because they are of different species. So, he invents a machine that changes all of his CNA (Cheerio DNA) into whichever type of cheerio that he wants. However, this machine performs a process that is extraordinarily painful, because that sort of thing would hurt. Anyway. He does it, and the normal flavored cheerio becomes a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, this girl cheerio hates him so much that she invents an identical machine and does the process on herself in order to become a cinnamon-apple cheerio, just so she can avoid this creeper. So, she does it. The boy cheerio is starting to get upset at this because he really wants her. So he tells himself that he will go through the pain for her, and becomes a cinnamon-apple cheerio. She then changes to a honey-nut cheerio! He decides that this is the last time that he will change cheerio type. He does it, and she changes one more time, into a normal cheerio - the kind he originally was. So he says out loud, "Okay, this is really the last time. If she changes again, I will just stay back with my family." So he becomes a normal cheerio again, and she doesn't change fast enough for him to put his moves on her. So, they start dating, and he finally asks her to the Formal Bowl (ahaha, get it, bowl instead of ball). Anyway, they get there and dance intensely for a few hours. They do all different kinds of dances. They do the tango, which was not very good. Also, they square dance, like rednecks. Finally, they get tired and she sends the boy cheerio to the milk bowl (you know, since it's a cereal dance, they have that and punch). He gets there and stands in line for ten minutes. Finally fed up at the really long line, he looks over at the bowl of punch and realizes there is no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A terrorist walks into a bar and shoots the bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats long and pointy and guys always have to brag about whos got the biggest one? their christmas trees

thumb_up thumb_down -56

How did Barry Bonds break the career homerun record? A combination of natural ability, practice, and a plethora of performance enhancing drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the computer say to his girlfriend? I'm going to RAM you tonight.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did Anne Frank get for christmas? Nothing Anne Frank is jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why do you go to a black mans yardsale? To buy something cheap. Why don't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because it is illegal.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a dead blond in a coset? Last years hide and seek winner.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How many dead babies can you fit in a sink? I don't know i forgot to turn the garbage disposal off

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why dont we just take bikini bottom and push it somewhere else

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I stole all your jokes, I stole this one too.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Bob: Whats the difference between a fish and a microwave? Steve: I don't know Bob: Daaaamn your dumb!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Have you ever had Kenyan food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

minorities

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What's funny about 9/11. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Women are definitely a full time job.. You should be paid to have them......

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops