Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

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What is black, white, red and blue? ..... A cow dressed as superman.

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What dud the baseball player do when he struck out? Walked back to the bench

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What's black and white and black and white and black and white? A chessboard.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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What has the head of a lion, the body of a mule, and the penis of a seal? Nothing... what the hell did you think it was? Are you on drugs or something?

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"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

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I was watching this movie..... its over now.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Chuck Noris

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Why did the black men chase the chicken ? Because it wondered out of a barn.

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;aosughdfo

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Best joke: Okay so I got a joke for ya but it is pretty long so bare with me please. First off, you must have heard a knock knock joke before and you must have a huge sense of humor. So this guy walks into a bar and orders fried chicken wings with hot fudge and vinilla drizzled all over it with a cherry topping. The bartender says, "We don't have that." The guy thinks of anything else he'd like and says, "How about a bucket of turkey and jalapeños?" The bartender looks puzzled and once again says, "This is a bar..." The guy is now paranoid and says, "Fine, I'll just have a thick, juicy, chicken thigh but please remove any excess skin on it, it's unhealthy and I'm on a diet." The bartender slowly removes his apron and walks out of the bar shouting, "I QUIT!" The guy sits there on the barstool laughing as a lady bartender comes to him. "So sorry sir, what would you like? From our bar that we have available?" The guy stares at her, squinting. "By any chance do you know if you have the punch line to this 'joke' because I sure dont." Slowly the woman removes her apron and walks out of the bar. The guy grins, walks out, and says, "job well done today. Where to tomorrow?"

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her repeatedly in the face and then slit her throat.

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INSULT- You've got a photographic memory, but the lens cap is on. INSULT- Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic INSULT- I heard you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. From- Insults and Putdowns lite

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A chronic hemophiliac walks into a bar. He cuts his leg and bleeds to death.

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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?? Theres one less drunk.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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what is big and green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A snooker table

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Why did the lights turn off? Because I turned them off.

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Why did the kid with no legs fall down the stairs? Because his dad pushed him...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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