A biology teacher walks into a bar. "Ouch," he says. "I bet I just lost some brain cells. I wonder if any of them were going through mitosis..."

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What happened to the man who jumped into a puddle? He contracted hypothermia due to the low temperatures of the water. He died the next day.

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

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You know what's funny? Lot's of things.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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That moment when you try and finger your girlfriend and there no hole......and you start questioning your sexuality

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Lizzy doesnt shave or shower. She just went to the bathroom in the middle of the school hallway

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke her face

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why didnt the chicken cross the road? It was getting tired of the jokes

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor"

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? You've already seen this joke at least SIXTY TIMES on this website, so you already know.

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Why did the chicken kross the road? It didn't because it was a highway and it got hit by a bus.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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What did the blonde do when her car broke down? Made a Facebook status about then called animal control.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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What did the table say to the human? Nothing, tables don't talk.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people, and are a nation and ethnoreligious group originating in the Israelites or Hebrews of the Ancient Near East. A pizza on the other hand is an Italian dish made up of cheese, bread sauces and multiple toppings.

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What do you call a black astronaut? It depends on what his name is.

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why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer left the gate open and chickens typically wonder with no obvious pattern to their movements.

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What's the difference in a red sports car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a red sports car in my garage.

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what did tyrone want for Christmas? A dad.

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when life throws you lemons your an idiot because it wont

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What do you call a fat indian boy Eeeeeeeh fatty boy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops