I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! I won the battle but lost the war: I'm Donald Trump!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Chinese drivers.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why couldn't little Jessica open the door? It was locked

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Sidney Crosby comes face-to-face with Alex Ovechkin. The Penguins were playing the Capitals.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How can you shed 10 pounds in one day? Get your legs amputed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats worse than an oompa loompa a black midget

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a hot underaged girl. off limits i am her father.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Jimmy through a glass at spouse? Jimmy was an abusive husband who had a tendancy to drink too much.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call somebody pimping out their bitches for very large amounts of money???? A dog breeder.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what would Michael jakson do if he was alive? scream and hit the top of his coffin

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I think people who go to see a psychiatrist need their head examining.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How old are you like 10? Im 11 so shut the fuck up

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock Knock Who's there? I said who's there? The man opens the door to find there was no one there and begins to shake in fear as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? Because they often have to interact with violent and distrustful criminals.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

OK. so a guy walks up to another guy and says hi. The other guy said nothing. The other guy said hi again. The guy said nothing The guy got really mad and slapppeed him across the face. Finally the man said PURPLE RABBID COMPUTER TREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and walked away while liking his blue brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops