What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

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If a fish eats fish bait, and a dog eats dog bait, what does a master eat? Anything he feels like eating at the given moment provided it is in accordance to his diet and beliefs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

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So like i was like 3 and I was like stupid or something I was only three, come on! three

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Andy Carrol

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What did the iceberg say when Titanic crashed on it? "Yeah!"

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Have you ever seen Hellen Keller's house? Well it was really nice.

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A Christian walks in into a bar . . . mitzvah.

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whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

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What did the kid say when his parents were killed? Nothing. He's a vegetable

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Why did thw chicken cross the road? Because his parents died.

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Someone stole my cookie from the cookie jar! So I bought another cookie.

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What is an old ginger lady's favorite type of bread? Whole wheat.

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When you are swimming across the ocean, and you lose your wheels, what's the difference between a duck? ... Because bananas have no bones.

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How do you know this is an Antijoke? Its on anti-joke.com

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What's black and white and red all over? A chess board; I lied about the "red all over" part.

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Knoc nock whos dere ronnie turiaf...... Ronnie turiaf who Dennis rodman

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What do you call a muslim who is not a terrorist ? A muslim

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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How many vampires does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Vampires do not exist

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what do you call a attractive blond haired girl who sings songs. pixie lott

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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