What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice.

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms..

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a woman came back from a long vacation, one of her male employes noticed that her breast were much larger, "wow, did you get a boob job?" he asked. she replied "no i have breast cancer"

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What did the black person say to the tall man with nice shoes? Nice shoes.

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Andy Carrol

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knock knock who's there a tiger Alex proceeds to walk away as there is a tiger at his front door. he then calls the police because of the potential danger. the animal control then apprehends the animal and takes it to an enclosure

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Harry Styles

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why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

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Once upon a time, there was a horse that had no legs, it laid on the ground it's entire life and died. The end.

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Why did the boy not turn in his homework? Because his pet ate it.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

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heads up!

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Why did the boy scratch his back? A:because it was itchy.

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Where did the black man sleep? In his house with his wife and children.

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What's black and white and red all over? Colors

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why did the husband always work late nights? he needed the extra hours to provide for his family

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What does the cookie monster and the blue man group have in common? They are both homosexually active

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Whats worse than burning jews? jews that are alive

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Gun Control

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i like my women like i like my coffee without a penis

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Why are you so fat? Cause I eat a lot.

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Im going to the patriots jets game this year..... When the kick a feild goal and you see two kids wearing lime green holding up a poster that says BRADY LIKES SAGGY BALLS that will be me and my friend -RT

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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