- Anti Joke

Why couldn't the blonde bride make it to her own wedding? She had another unplanned circumstance occur and the wedding was postponed until next week.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter ponder with cheese.

What did the boy do before school? Jacked off.

Once upon a time, there was a horse that had no legs, it laid on the ground it's entire life and died. The end.

why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

Why did the boy not turn in his homework? Because his pet ate it.

Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of poop. The Mexican is a human the bucket of poop is an object filled bodily wastes.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice.

What did the black person say to the tall man with nice shoes? Nice shoes.

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

How do you make a frog stand still? Shoot it.

Knock knock. Who is it? The police officer. ok, im not home.

How many light bulbs does it take to screw a blonde? 3.

NASCAR

Knock Knock Who's There? It's Me. Oh, OK. Come On In.

Why couldn't the blonde bride make it to her own wedding? She had another unplanned circumstance occur and the wedding was postponed until next week.

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

Justin Bieber got laid

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter ponder with cheese.

What did the boy do before school? Jacked off.

Once upon a time, there was a horse that had no legs, it laid on the ground it's entire life and died. The end.

why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

Harry Styles

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

Why did the boy not turn in his homework? Because his pet ate it.

heads up!

Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of poop. The Mexican is a human the bucket of poop is an object filled bodily wastes.

Andy Carrol

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice.

What did the black person say to the tall man with nice shoes? Nice shoes.

Anti Joke

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The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??