Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock Knock! Who's there? The doorbell repair man.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

stevie wonder watched a movie yesterday

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many light bulbs does it take to screw a blonde? 3.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the man thought to be peculiar? Because he had sex with a pistachio.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How much is a pet whale? $1350.99

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey we just met And this is crazy But my name's Kony And I stole your baby

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Lightning Bolt say to the Thunder Cloud? WATTSup?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are grey, violets are grey, I am color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

It's easy to take part, just type your text below! no

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What goes good with coca cola? Thirst

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the man fall down? Because he was pushed of a 5 story building

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A brunette is walking up the side of a river. She sees a blonde on the other side. "How did you get to the other side?" asked the brunette. "I used the bridge just a few more kilometers up" the blonde replies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than 911..? The plane ride there.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar.....OW!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why does life suck? Because it does

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops