Three monkeys are sitting in a tree. Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? -He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -Peer pressure.

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Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

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Why did Sally fall off her bike? Because she had no legs. Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. What did Sally get for Christmas? Cancer. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally...

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You have 5 $1 dollar bills. Your mom rapes you and you still have 1 $5 dollar bill.

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If you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

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Why did the cat eat the cupcake? Cause he was hungry.

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Q, whats worst then being trapped in a house with a ghost. A, being trapped in a house with thirteen ghosts.

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Your mother is so fat that she once ate an entire peach cobbler in one sitting and chastised herself yet again for her lack of self-control over her eating habits and her need to fill the holes in her self esteem with the short-lived gratification she gains from eating too much of the foods she finds tasty.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It didn't, some dude ran it over.

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What did the man do when he dropped his bar of soap. He picked it up

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Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

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Why did the pony go to the Doctor's? It had Horse AIDS.

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knock knock who's there? to to who? to whom*

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Why was the little girl sad? Because she was brutally raped up the ass

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why was the little girl crying? because she was molested

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue I suck at Poetry, show me your Tits.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?... To get to the other side.

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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There is a new film coming out, it is a re-make of "Fatal Attraction" The only difference is, it is about two tonnes of antimatter... [L]

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Beacuse it was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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