How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a man with a towel on his head? A good target.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the girl say to the mute? "Why are you so quiet?" How did the mute respond? He flipped her off.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the boy say to his mum when he saw a Lion A: Hey mum that's a Lion

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's green,has 4 legs and lives in a tree? A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down +2

raisin boogers

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears Because he's a rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse, a dog dying or cancer? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you get 2000 people to go to heaven? Blow up a school.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What makes a catholic priest happier then a visit to the penn state locker room? Introducing Jesus to people and them accepting him as their savior.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

65% of people are starving 32% are over 190 lbs. Think about it

thumb_up thumb_down +2

#Hanging Degus

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Im going to the patriots jets game this year..... When the kick a feild goal and you see two kids wearing lime green holding up a poster that says BRADY LIKES SAGGY BALLS that will be me and my friend -RT

thumb_up thumb_down +2

i used to be gay. now i am bisexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did one pile of dirt say to the other pile of dirt?? You're dirty

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops