- Anti Joke

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have a pleasant evening as they talk to each other about their day over a relaxing drink.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He looks it up first to make sure he's got it right before dialing.

What the did the man say to his boss? You are my boss.

your mom is like a lowling ball, she likes to be fingered then thrown back into the gutter

I honestly have no idea what is upsetting you, why would I lie about my name? Please don't leave, you do remember me don't you? Can I call you over?

How did the girl with no arms fall out the window? I pushed her.

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

What do you call a man with a towel on his head? A good target.

whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

What was the last thing going through the man's mind who cleans the 90th floor windows on the World Trade Center on 9/11? The 91st floor.

How do you get 2000 people to go to heaven? Blow up a school.

What did one pile of dirt say to the other pile of dirt?? You're dirty

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you've been denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

65% of people are starving 32% are over 190 lbs. Think about it

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have a pleasant evening as they talk to each other about their day over a relaxing drink.

Nicholas Salek did not write the message below. It was a joke one of his mates played!!

what makes reed stop talking? LYRENS SHARPENED PENCIL

What did one hater say to the other hater? I hate you.

When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

Why did the Jew wear a beanie while playing soccer? Because he shaved his head