Q. Why was the blonde fired from the M+M factory? A.She was addicted to meth.

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A black man, a jew, and an atheist are on a boat. Suddenly the boat started sinking. A mermaid would only save two of them. who do did she save? Mermaids don't exist. The all died. They were my friends.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Snow White found a magic lamp in the middle of the forest. She rubbed it and became pregnant because the spout was a penis.

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what did the blind deaf orphan get for christmas? cancer

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What's Chris Benoit up to? Just hangin' with his family

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so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

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What did one muffin say to the other in the oven? Nothing. They're muffins.

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i'm funny

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him? Nothing. He's dead.

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin when he noticed he had lost his belt? A: Robin! Q:What did Robin respond? A: Yes?

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Knock Knock! Whose there? Adolf Hitler

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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OY SHIT ITS YOUR MOM!!!

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Your momma's so broke she might be eligible for government assistance. Seriously she should totally look into it.

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A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

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What do you call a man with 3 arms, 6 ears, 9 fingers, and a red clown nose? His name.

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What do you call a black man in space? An astronaut.

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Why did the mentally handicapped kid fail his math test? Because he didn't study.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his coat? Where's my coat.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

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Why do black people eat so much fried chicken? Because it's delicious!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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