What does tupperware and a walrus have in common? they both like a tight seal

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A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

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What did the gay guy get at the grocery store? A tub of Häagen-Dazs ice cream because he thought he deserved a treat.

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Wanna hear a joke? Justin bieber

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On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me nothing because I'm single

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how do you spend all your money you go buy stuff

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69

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Who's black, white and Asian at the same time? A panda.

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Why did the homeless man get a house key cut? He didn't he's homeless.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

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why did susie fall off the swing? she had no arms and no legs. knock knock who's there? not susie

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Why don't elephants eat bananas? Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

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A woman walks into a bar.

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Why do people like anti jokes? Because their f****** funny as hell

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What do you call girls that can run faster than me? Virgins

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There were two ducks in a bathtub. One duck says to the other, "Pass me the soap" The other duck replies, "What do i look like, a toaster?"

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Gotta go Fast Gotta go Faster Faster Fasterfasterfaster! Moving at the speed of sound I'm the quickest hedgehog around Got ourselves a situation Start getting a new location Without any explanation On top of relaxation! Go- Go- Go- Don't blink Don't think Just Go go go go G-g-g-g-go go! Sonic, he's on the run Sonic, he's number one Sonic, he's coming next so watch out for Sonic X! Gotta go fast, gotta go faster faster faster fasterfasterfaster Go go go go go go go go go! Sooooniiiiic X!!

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What should you do if you come across a slut with a fork up her @ss and a gun in her hand? Do not look at her and walk away.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Why was Little Billy crying? He had an axe embedded in his chest.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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Sometimes I fantasize about having sexual relations with Oprah Winfrey. Sometimes I don't.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face", the horse said nothing; because it is a horse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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