What do you call a guy with a bomb strapped to his chest flying a plane? A pilot with a bomb strapped to his chest

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roes are red Violets are blue I felt silly for writing this Because violets are violet.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The knocking didn’t cease. It grew harder as the voice grew louder. “Let me in! Let me in! LET ME IN!” The knocking grew so fierce it could have shattered the door. Tears leaked from her eyes. “What do I do,” she thought “should I open the door?” The knocking was more than she could bear. “I know you’re in there, Kat.” it said. Her stomach twisted, her breath caught in her throat, and tears now streamed down her face. “Go away!” she shouted finally. “Let me in!” it screamed in response. “Leave me alone!” she cried. The voice and the knocking echoed in her head, making her more nauseous than before. Reaching for the lock hesitantly, she sucked up her tears and held her breath, unlocking the door and throwing it open. Nothing was there. The tree stood in the yard unmoving, no wind. Nothing. She shut the door, shaking in fear. With the click of the lock, the room grew cold. Goose-bumps covered her skin. “Thank you for letting me in.” a voice whispered behind her.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three women are sent to heaven. Theres a blond , brunette , and a redhead. There are 100 steps to heaven and on every step god tells you a joke and you cant laugh. The redhead makes it to step 23 then laughs. The brunette makes it to step 67 then laughs. Finally the blond make it all the way to the 100th step and before god can tell the joke she laughs. God asks why are u laughing? And the blond says " i just got the 1st one"!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's black and hangs from a rope on a tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Think of a fruit that isn't an orange ... You're thought of a pear, didn't you?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the same between a turtle and an eagle? They both fly, apart from the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than spending time with your girlfriend? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What was the pirate movie rated? Pg-13

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he had uncontrollable muscle spasms.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two men walk into a bar. You think the second man would have seen it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

matt f stupid because no one likes him

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why don't women need watches? Because they probably have a cell phone, which works just as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did Obama say to Hilary? Will you be my secretary of state?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I tried to call my friend in Haiti. It went straight to vibrate.....

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what does the homeless man do when he gets home? nothing, he's homeless

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mom is so fat that she is at risk for type two diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A group of Germans eagerly await the FIFA football rankings. England is fourth.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

yo mama so fat she has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call Michael? A homosexual person who is nice, however he is still gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops