Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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My penis is so big that some women find it uncomfortable.

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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Where is the last place you would find a Mexican? In a good hiding spot that you didn't think of while trying to find him.

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Why couldn't little Sally fall asleep? She was on fire.

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A snail walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "hey we don't serve snails here," and flicks him across the street. 3 years later the snails walks back into the bar and said, "why'd ya do that for??"

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Woman Rights

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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Why was Joey bad at playing the trumpet? He had no fingers.

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Where can find a man who owns a white van capable of transporting many children? Most local churches have them for mission work. I would contact a local minister.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted. You're adopt...wait what?

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A man walks outside on a sunny day. Since the sun was very bright, he put on a pair of sunglasses. While this was going on, nothing else really happened and he went on with his day as usual.

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A man walks into a bar what does he say Ouch

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Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and is incapable of going to down stairs without aid.

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You're Adopted.

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fava beans

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What can you eat that comes in all different flavors. Chex mix, I bet you thought it was women but its not its chex mix

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When Nicki Minaj wrote her song "Stupid Hoe" she was sublimminally talking about her self.

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homework

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm colorblind.

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How do you make Mandy Ann shut up? Clown Car

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Why did the chicken eat fried chicken? Because fried chicken is so good! Kelvin Yang.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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