Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her.

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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What's the difference between basketball and an elephant? One's a sport and one's a large African animal.

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Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears? Because he's a rabbit

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What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? By his name, which could be John, considering the popularity of said name.

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A man calls 911 911: hello? Man: sorry wrong number.

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Whats worse than eating a worm? Haveing a worm die in your penis.

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Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

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My penis is so big that some women find it uncomfortable.

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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Why couldn't little Sally fall asleep? She was on fire.

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Where is the last place you would find a Mexican? In a good hiding spot that you didn't think of while trying to find him.

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A snail walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "hey we don't serve snails here," and flicks him across the street. 3 years later the snails walks back into the bar and said, "why'd ya do that for??"

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A man walks outside on a sunny day. Since the sun was very bright, he put on a pair of sunglasses. While this was going on, nothing else really happened and he went on with his day as usual.

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A man walks into a bar what does he say Ouch

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted. You're adopt...wait what?

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Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and is incapable of going to down stairs without aid.

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Where can find a man who owns a white van capable of transporting many children? Most local churches have them for mission work. I would contact a local minister.

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Why was Joey bad at playing the trumpet? He had no fingers.

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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homework

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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