An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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Bob: You need to push harder? Tom: Oh wow what a coincidence, that is what my wife said last night. They laugh about the irony of the situation and then return to the task at hand

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You know what's funny? Lot's of things.

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Q: What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? A: They both have handlebars except for the duck!

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Knock knock. Who's there You are.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. He values his privacy and will not tell me his motives.

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When Michael Jackson was making his last son, he named him Blanket... he was cold.

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How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

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The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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If you are riding on a broomstick and it breaks in the middle of the ocean... How many pieces of toast does it take to fill a light house? Purple, because Oranges cannot fly.

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what's brown and sticky? A stick

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What's worse than a car going backwards on the highway? A steamroller going backwards on the highway.

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What do you call a man man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob(he is bobbing in the water)

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Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch? Because someone put him there.

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whats white and gooy liguid goop

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the little boy get for christimas? Nothing because he's a selfish asshole.

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What do you call an African American on the moon? An astronaut

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor"

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Why does a black man have a bicycle? He bought it with his own money.

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Why did the boy want to commit suicide? Because he didn't want to die.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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How do you spell eight? 8

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops