what'd one jew say to the other jew? i cant eat this its ham. (sounds better when said with disappointed jew voice)

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Whats worse than a rotten tomato. a fridge hitting your baby.

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Whats worst then listening to you girl friends problems? Nothing.

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what is worse than finding a worm in your apple the earth exploding

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matt f stupid because no one likes him

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why did the pinapple walk the plank? to eat a cat because cheese say people!

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Q: Whats black, white and red all over? A: not me

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: Anal

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Why did the woman lie down? She was dead

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Why was the man reading various news articles on the Internet at 2:21 in the morning? Because at that time he could not sleep. Which meant he tried to find something else to fill his time up with.

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How do you escape prison? Kill everyone in it hen once you have escaped find their families and viciously murder them. Are they going the send you back to prison? No because you will kill everyone.

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How do you kill an Asian? Poke him with a large fork until hes dead.

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What is the difference between a firework and a dog? One is funny to blow up and the other one is pretty lights

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Person 1: "Ask me if I'm a rock." Person 2: "Are you a rock?" Person 1: "No."

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Knock, knock. *answers door*

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it lost Consciousness.

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Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

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What is the same between a turtle and an eagle? They both fly, apart from the turtle.

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Who could be happier than a kid at a candyshop? A necrophiliac in a morgue

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A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He orders a lemonade and leaves promptly

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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