Why does Santa Clause not have children? Because he only "comes" once a year

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I like my 40's like I like my women, in ABUNDANCE.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have alzheimer's Bacon

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split your ass cheek

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Man: Guess what! Other man: What? Man: Chicken butt

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why did the chicken cross the road? to spend the night with his friend.

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Q: What did the dumb blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? A: Look! Donut seeds!

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One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and the final bell wrung then they started the mtch and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing that you say when you don't want to fight and ypu let the other person win?" The other guy says, "I give up?" Then the challenger says, " I WIN!!!"

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A worm slowly crawled through the ground, only to be eaten by an incoming bird.

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Q. How do you get a dinosaur off a slide? A. You tell him he hasn't lived for billions of years.

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person: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? person: A Hipster. Me: False.

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What's the biggest Jenga game? 9/11

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How do you drown a fish? You can't , it is physically Impossible to drown a fish. because they have gills, so they are able to breathe underwater.

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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A middle-class family went away on vacation. While they were gone, a pyromaniac burnt down their house. Their cat was still inside.

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A Black Man Walks Into A Club.

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What's worse than a bad test score? Getting hit buy a train!!

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a drink. "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" exclaims the bartender. "You have a Melanoplus Differentialis?" asks the grasshopper. "Yes."

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What do you call a man who rides on unicorns? A liar. Unicorns don't exist.

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How does one peel a potato? First I would suggest going to your local grocery store, and purchasing a vegetable peeler (although, in fact, the potato is not considered a vegetable). Once at home, I recommend disinfecting it of germs. Unless you already own a vegetable peeler, in which case I would simply peel the potato as every normal human would.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!

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Why is the sky blue? The sun reflects off the water molecules in all bodies of water

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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