What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will it be? Sarah Jessica Parker replies, i'll have 4 cosmopolitans for me and my friends.

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Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

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Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

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Three men sit at a bar. A clown walks in, so the first man says, "Oh, what fresh hell is this?", gets up and leaves. Then a fairy flies in, so the second man says, "Aw, hell no!", gets up and leaves. So the third man was alone with the fairy and clown.

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What do you get when you sunflower? Vegan turtles.

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Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

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Your mom's so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and foods with nutritional value!!!! Oh burn!!!!

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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What is funnier than this joke? Jokes with higher ratings.

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Why was the black man eating a banana? Because bananas are an excellent source of potassium.

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when the doctor asked him why he was sad andreas replyd i have a small penis and drew and devin keep making me drop the soap

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What do Micheal Jackson and Niel Armstrong have in common? Armstrong did the earthwalk on the moon and Jackson F#$%ed little boys in the butt.

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You should periodically review the most up-to-date version of the Terms of Service. Oh you.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Penis.

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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Why Does God Hate Gays? He Doesent, God Does Not Exist.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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Why did Billy fall off the swings? Because he had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Billy.

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There was a Mexican, a Chinese, and an American on a plane. The Mexican threw down a sack of beans, the Chinese threw down a sack of rice, and the American threw down a bomb. The plane landed. When the three passengers stepped out of the plane, they were hungry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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