- Anti Joke

brandon ya twwat

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

Wanna hear a joke? Twilight

How many Ethiopian's can you fit in a bathtub? As many as you want, they'd all fall down the drain. JimBoto

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

Roses are Violets, Violets are Roses, I am a dumb ass, The Hobbit.

Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

How do you fit 3 squirtles two bulbasors and a charmander in a smart car You poke em on

Why does the man with no legs call for help? because he woke up to find that he had no legs.

why do girraffe's have long necks? because my foot is so far up all their asses that it hits their head, pushing it away from the body.

What's black and blue and hates anal? The twelve year old in my trunk

Thumbs this down

One cold winter day in Russia, a man asked a tree if he was cold. The tree did not reply, and the man became depressed.

What is brown and has 15 legs? (They answer "What?") Reply: I don't know I was hoping you would.

Knock Knock Whose there? Me! Hi

Hey I just met you, and this seems crazy. I have Alzheimers... Hey i just met you.

Three Jews are hiding under the floorboards. One of them makes and noise and they are promptly found by the invading German soldiers. They are all shipped to Aushwitz where two of them are sent directly to the gas chambers where they are killed. The third Jew survives the Holocaust and is eventually liberated by Allied forces. He returns to his country only to find his house burnt to the ground. With no money or food, he starves to death by the side of the road and his body is eaten by various animals.

Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

A mans opinion.

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

How did the man jumping out of the plane at 33,000 feet survive? Because he had a parachute

How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops