What's black and white and red all over? Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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An Irish man walks out of a bra.

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? No one knows he hasn't been able to open his presents yet.

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Why did the whale cross the ocean? To reproduce as a way of life.

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So this guy comes into a bar... Jizz eveywhere.

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Three black men get out of a taxy. They split the bill evenly and get on with their day... By Wade

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What do you call a bus full of white people? A Twinky!!!

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. This task does not require over 1 person to complete.

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A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire. "Oh my god!" says the rabbi. "We have to save the children!" "Screw the children!" says the priest. "Out of what?" replies the rabbi.

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your mom is like a lowling ball, she likes to be fingered then thrown back into the gutter

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

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Q: What did Yoda do at the end of star wars when he lost his light saber? A: He asked the prop guy if he had any more and he happened to have another and they went on with making the great film many still love today.

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Why did Alice fail Maths? Because everybody else was Asian.

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Where did the black man sleep? In his house with his wife and children.

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What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

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If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

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What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

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What's red and hurts your teeth. Answer: a brick

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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What time is it? 10:58

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

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What do you call 200 black people dead in the ocean? It's a start.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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