So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they smell bad and are ugly.

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what is sticky and brown?a stick

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Nippies

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Why can't vegetarians eat mushrooms because I can't urinate over a scotch bonnet :/

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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so if you need 20 dollars and you just kicked your cat how old is your mom. cake because you are a 666 member.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, as I wasn't there, and frankly I wonder why a chicken was anywhere near a road anyway

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Someone else's.

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I like big butts and I cannot lie. You don't know that. I may enjoy skinny butts. I may be lying.

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A man walks into a bar, but it's really not his fault because his seeing eye dog led him right into it.

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Luck is not real. But the dismembered body in my basement is.

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roses aren't red, violets aren't blue, they're all black, cause i'm colorblind. what about you?

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whats the difference between a flamingo ? because the pyramid has a high cholesterol

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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Knock knock Who's There..... Guess who's coming Who's coming Me inside you !

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Why does Michael j. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the finest ingredients

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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Why did the black man begin to cry when his friend aimed a gun at a watermelon? Because if he were to shoot it would be a waste of perfectly good food.

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Why couldn't the mexican get a job? He was seven.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Why did the car cross the road? Green light

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops