A man walks into a bar, he begins drinking and returns home visably drunk. His family disowns him as he is a recovering alchoholic who was three months sober.

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What did the little boy say after he was pushed off the cliff? Nothing. He died, therefore, he is incapable of speaking.

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What's big, black and hard to swallow? A bowling ball.

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What is big and wet and smells like mushrooms? A big wet mushroom.

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What's the difference between you and a cat? The cats mom isn't a whore.

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Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

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Why wasn't there an elevator in the rainforest? The rainforest is not capable of managing an elevator because an elevator does in fact require an energy source which is also not capable in a rainforest. The rainforest is filled with animals and is not filled with humans which would make having an elevator in the rainforest useless because the main use of an elevator is to transport humans. The animals in the rainforest would not be able to operate the elevator because using an elevator for them would be advance while humans using elevators is second nature.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Sir, your wife has been killed. Please open the door so that we may discuss this matter. The man then opens the door and listens to the tale of how a disgruntled worker opened fire in a grocery store, killing 13 people including his wife. Unable to cope with this and the fact both his parents passed away earlier that year he later hangs himself soon after the police leave.

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I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

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"Knock, Knock," a man called out. A child threw open the door and peered out at him. "Why didn't you just knock instead of saying 'knock knock'?" Flustered, the man couldn't come up with an answer, and the child promptly closed the door, locked it, and returned to her previous activities.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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What did one computer say to the other? 100111010100100111001010010001110101110010100010101011010011010010111000010101100100100100001101010000011111010010011010100110101001010100101010101010100101011010010010101010110010110010100100010101010101010

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What did the Ginger get for Christmas? A: a soul

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"KNOCK KNOCK". I opened the door to greet my guests for the party.

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So a blonde woman gets into her car. She then drives to the grocery store because she is hungry and wants to buy food to make her dinner.

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What is brown and sticky? Syrup.

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How do you drown a down syndrome child? Put him/her into water.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Seeing duplicates of the top jokes.

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A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

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You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

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How many Ethiopian's can you fit in a bathtub? As many as you want, they'd all fall down the drain. JimBoto

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Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

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Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

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I ponder

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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