My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's black and white and red all over? Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? No one knows he hasn't been able to open his presents yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did moral man run out of morals? Moral: LEAVE MORAL MAN ALONE! BUAHAHAHA LEAVE HIM ALONE! BUAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have a pleasant evening as they talk to each other about their day over a relaxing drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

your mom is like a lowling ball, she likes to be fingered then thrown back into the gutter

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire. "Oh my god!" says the rabbi. "We have to save the children!" "Screw the children!" says the priest. "Out of what?" replies the rabbi.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. This task does not require over 1 person to complete.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the whale cross the ocean? To reproduce as a way of life.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three black men get out of a taxy. They split the bill evenly and get on with their day... By Wade

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two english guys meet at work

thumb_up thumb_down +4

So this guy comes into a bar... Jizz eveywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's black and blue and hates anal? The twelve year old in my trunk

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q:what do you call a black man flying a plane? A: a pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What causes floods? Too much water.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call 200 black people dead in the ocean? It's a start.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

who's sexually attracted to bones? James Cornish

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I AM SOFA KING WE TOD HEAD - AV

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the retarded asian dolphin eat for breakfast? A big bowl of shit

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops