Why aren't elephants allowed in public pools? Because they are elephants.

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Woman's rights

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what did johnny's mom do for his 50th birthday? she died

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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go up to some one and say "i told you it would happen" with a straight face and walk away. it should cause a LOT of confusion.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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"What happened to John after he got drunk 12 years ago"- police "I don't really don't know that question"- John Jr.

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Why do people like anti jokes? Because their f****** funny as hell

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? lettuce lettuce who? Lett-uce be friends

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Q: What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? A: A dog

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What's red and smells like a rose? Bumble-bees licking honey off of a stick.

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When life throws you lemons, duck.

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Are you gay? No. Ok.

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How did the polar bear get the bottle of coke? He killed the little boy

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Why did the little girl stop going to dance class? She broke both of her legs in a terrible train accident

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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How many dead babies can you fit in a mini? It is variable according to the size of each baby.

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Why'd the girl fall of her scooter? She fell into a hole and died. She was never found again. All that was left was her scooter.

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Bob: You need to push harder? Tom: Oh wow what a coincidence, that is what my wife said last night. They laugh about the irony of the situation and then return to the task at hand

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

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How many dead babies fit into a bathtub? 23

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four nazis are walking towards this jew. as soon as the first nazi came in arms reach of the jew he and his friends started to maliciously hug the jew.......................................and then 20 years later they killed his family.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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