Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

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A man has only two fingers on one hand, and everybody calls him two-fingered Mike. Why? Because his fingers were lost in a tragic accident at birth, and his parents, who were considering calling him Mike, decided to lengthen the name because it seemed appropriate.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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Q: What did the peanut say to the shell? A: Its dark in here.

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There is a bomb. It blows up and kills 26 people.

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A Panda walks into a bar and orders a drink, he then shoots the bartender and leaves. The people are shocked and the panda is arrested.

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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What did the lawyer say to a lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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I can't see my forehead

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Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

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Type 2 diabetics

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Am I a cat? No, I am a human; cat's cannot type.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted. You're adopt...wait what?

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What has sand and an ocean? A picture of a beach.

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An Iraqi, an American and an Irishman get on a plane. They all enjoy the in-flight amenities, agree that the food was sub-standard and arrive at their destinations safely.

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24

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Q: Why did Little Suzie fall off of the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Little Suzie!

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What's red, hairy, and squishy? Helen Keller in a blender.

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What did the black say when an asian knocked him out? Nothing, he was knocked out

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why'd the baby cross the road it was stapled to the chicken

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You wanna see my secret freckle? NO! How about my butt? What!!!!!!!

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because he was insecure in his relationship with his soon to be wife.

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Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and is incapable of going to down stairs without aid.

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What can you eat that comes in all different flavors. Chex mix, I bet you thought it was women but its not its chex mix

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops