Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your real father. I left you when you were a month old and I have regretted the decision ever since. I would like to be a part of your life.

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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An unarmed man robbed a bank today, he failed because he had no way of carrying the cash out.

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

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A black man, a jew, and an atheist are on a boat. Suddenly the boat started sinking. A mermaid would only save two of them. who do did she save? Mermaids don't exist. The all died. They were my friends.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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Roses are red, white, pink, and many other colors. Violets similarly display many color variations due to generations of ardent florists.

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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roses are red violets are blue I forogt what I was doing where am I?

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Roses are red, violetes are blue, Your monkey sucks.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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Why did the chicken cross the road Time for you to get a watch

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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Why do basketball players wear bibs? They don't.

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Once upon a cross

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Why was Joey bad at playing the trumpet? He had no fingers.

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why'd the baby cross the road it was stapled to the chicken

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A Man buys a Prius. Hated it.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple Finding multiple worms in your apple

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Want to hear a dirty joke? A horse fell in the mud.

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In Soviet Russia, millions of innocents died due to the oppression.

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womens rights

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted. You're adopt...wait what?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops