What's the square root of four? Two.

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You should really respect vegetables more. They rock. They're all like... AAAHH!!!... and I'm all like... DUDE! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY RANDOM!... and seriously, you should respect da veggies!

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A man walks into a pole.

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How do you know that god was a male? You don't, that's why it's called faith.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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How do you become thinner in a week? Stand in front of a Bulldozer.

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How do you make a plumber stop sagging? Tickle his crack

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Q. What language cant you speak A.Sign language

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what would you do if Michael Jackson was drowning? he can't drown he's already dead

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What's the difference between a pizza and a black man A pizza can feed a family of four

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? He was hit by a bus!

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Justin Littleton's mom accidentally texting him about buying weed, and then offering to buy him ice cream to make up for it.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer-pressure.

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What's the easiest way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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a black man and a squirrel get hit on two different roads what's the difference? well for starters theyre two different species. a squirrel is much smaller than a human and has his own mark on society. the man will be missed dearly by his family and if the impact with the car wasnt bad, he may have a chance to make it out alive at the hospital. the squirrel however is not so lucky. it will be left to die on the street or would have died on impact already with sadly no squirrel hospital to tend to it.

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Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

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A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart... but the very next day your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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Why did the disabled man fall of the swing, someone shot him.

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A teenage girl walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic drink. The bartender declines the order as she is under the legal age of purchasing and consuming alcohol.

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What do you call a blonde on the Moon? That depends on what her name is.

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I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

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Q: How does Lady Gaga like her meat? A: Exactly what her preference is.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops