- Anti Joke

I love you, you live me. Now get the FUDGE out of the tree!!!

Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Maybe they were all playing hide-and-seek. Or maybe the room was pitch black and they were all standing very still and quietly.

what would you do if Michael Jackson was drowning? he can't drown he's already dead

Roses are red. Violets are blue. This next line doesn't rhyme. Nor does this one. This isn't a very good poem.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I am an orphan I have no parents

A man walks into a bar. He leaves when he realizes he is supposed to be at a business meeting

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being shot repeatedly in the chest.

what do you do when a baby screams? shake it.

What's worse than death? Nothing.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE OLDEST ANTIJOKE EVER WRITTEN: HERE IT COMES....... THE MOST ANCIENT OF THEM ALL...... ARE YOU READY?????? HERE WE GO...... Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! THAT'S RIGHT. THIS IS IN FACT AN ANTI JOKE - "...ends with such an anti climax...the lack of punchline is the punchline."

what did the duck say to the hawk? quack

Q. What language cant you speak A.Sign language

How do you confuse a blonde? You ask her a question.

Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Yeah neither did she.

Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

What do you call two gay black men? Homosexuals.

What is a wok? A wok is sumting you twow at wabbits.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

What happened to the chicken crossing the road? She found a male chicken, had many babies and lived happily forever after.

What's worse than listening to Justin Beiber? Getting hit by a train.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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