What happened to the boy who ditched his friends and lied to them...? His appendix exploded.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

What are little Timmy's hopes and dreams? Destroyed.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Maturity is a virtue.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Why did the redneck ask his daughter to get on her knees? His shoe was untied.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge? Well, because there's an elephant in your fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What stands on the corner oof every major city at night? A cop

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's the difference between basketball and an elephant? One's a sport and one's a large African animal.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What happened when the homosexual man came out of the closet? He was congratulated for winning the hide and seek contest.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Whats the differance between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: That question doesn't make any sense.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

3 women are eating popsicles, one is biting, one is licking, and one is sucking, which is married? The one with the wedding ring.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Yo momma's so poor, that when she went to the soup kitchen, she got food.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How is an orange like an airplane? They both have wings except an orange doesn't have wings

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

An Irish priest molested many children. He's still free today

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops