a customer walks into a store and says, "the customer is always wrong." the employee replies, "no, the customer is always right." "you just contradicted yourself."

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What happened to the boy who ditched his friends and lied to them...? His appendix exploded.

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What are little Timmy's hopes and dreams? Destroyed.

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What's black and blue and red all over? The dead woman in the dumpster.

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Maturity is a virtue.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

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Why did the redneck ask his daughter to get on her knees? His shoe was untied.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what would you like to drink?". The horse, unable to comprehend english, just nods and proceeds to shit on the floor

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Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

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Why was Timmy dirty? Because he was buried

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My room is a mess, Violets are still blue

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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Why does Reid always have a blank stare on his face? Because he is constantly searching for the answer as to why his sister was raped, stabbed, and burned alive all right in front of his face.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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If shoes could talk they'd tell you that they are not willing support your weight & floors are extremely dirty.

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What stands on the corner oof every major city at night? A cop

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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What happened when the homosexual man came out of the closet? He was congratulated for winning the hide and seek contest.

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What's the difference between basketball and an elephant? One's a sport and one's a large African animal.

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Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: That question doesn't make any sense.

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Whats the differance between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

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How is an orange like an airplane? They both have wings except an orange doesn't have wings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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