What did the heart attack victim say? Call 911, I'm having chest pains. yeah, your anti-jokes are this funny....

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What do you get wen u cross a cat and a walrus? Two animals with very different life styles.

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President Donald Trump

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Why am I righting in english? Because this is an english site.

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Why did John stay home from school? He died.

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? D-12.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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Last night I had a Chinese By that I mean I abducted some Chinese people and ate them

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What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A man walks into a bar and says "hey, it's me!". Turns out that wasn't him.

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What's worse than stepping on a snail? Stepping on a bear trap.

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roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it wanted to.

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A three and a half foot tall clown walks into a bar, it is quickly learned that he is only 8 years old and is excorted out by security.

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Two english guys meet at work

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A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

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What do you call a black priest? A black priest

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cook Pu. Ok then. Kelvin Yang.

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What happens when someone with ADD tells a joke? I forgot.

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Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

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How do you know your cat is gay? Other cats have buttsex with him

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do you want to hear a joke?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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